Food Riot

Brussels Sprouts still on the stem, yesterday. Err Sunday.

Christmas is coming, a fact that may have escaped your attention. And with Christmas comes a load of traditional dishes, one of which is roast turkey served with all sorts of delicious things. And Brussels Sprouts.

Many good cooks suggest cutting a little “x” in the base to allow the heat to better penetrate them. They can be boiled, steamed, roasted or stir-fried. Great care must be taken to avoid overcooking them as this activates the glucosinolate sinigrin, which makes them taste  bitter and smell disgustingly sulphurous, rather like the Devil’s bottom (I am told). So take great care when doing your sprouts.

Brussels Sprouts Paul’s way

I have a simple way of preparing brussels sprouts that I would like to share. It is not difficult to do and is almost impossible to mess up – and your guests will be delighted with the results. Remember, fresh ingredients are best, but if you can only get your hands on frozen sprouts, this method will work too. Now concentrate please:

Ingredients

• A quantity of Brussels Sprouts (the more the merrier – its Christmas, right?)

Method

• If your Brussels Sprouts are still on the stem, remove them
• Throw the stem away. You will not need it
• Get your sprouts and weigh them.  This is important.
• Make a note of the weight
• Place the sprouts in a large pot
• Empty the pot into the bin
• Take your bin outside
• Set fire to your bin
• Add a slug of petrol and a car tyre if necessary
• Keep that bin burning, no matter what, until there is nothing but ash
• Get the ash and beat it with a hammer
• Stamp on it
• Call an exorcist and ask him to exorcise the ash
• Your sprouts are now done.

Yes, you are right. Brussels has not only infected our once splendid Europe with heaps of pointless legislation, they have also seen fit to bequeath us with their stupid, stupid, disgusting sprouts. Fortunately, some of us have seen the light and are working hard at eliminating this blight on our culinary landscape.