Food Riot

As is always the case, I popped down to Sainsbury’s to buy the missing ingredient (passata) for tonight’s intended supper (Spahetti Bolognese) and came back burdened with yes, passata, as well as some lamb steaks, some garam masala, fresh corriander, cumin seeds and ground cumin, some ready-made garlic naans and a tin of ready made  chickpea dahl.

So some sort of Lamb Curry is actually what we’ll be eating tonight.

Now I am not going to lie to you (would I ever? Ummm.. yes – and often) and tell you that I know all about curry/Korma/Madrass/Dupiaza/Passanda etc. I don’t. I know enough to order them from the local delivery service only if I look at the explanations of each dish.  I do however believe that I will be able to cook a lovely curry-ish thing by being a bit clever and keeping things simple.

My planned recipe:

• 2 onions rough chopped or sliced
• Some garlic, chopped
• Some red chilli, chopped
• Some green chilli, chopped
• A red pepper, chopped
• Some minced ginger
• Some garam masala
• Some flour
• Salt
• Pepper
• Some cumin seeds
• Some turmeric – easy now, it can easily overpower the dish and turn everything in sight very yellow
• 1 tin of chickpea ready made dahl
• 2 chopped and parboiled potatoes
• Some chopped lamb steaks – about 1 inch chunks (they were on special at Sainsburys)
• Some coconut cream
• A squirt of lemon juice

Method:

(the many instructions below were cunningly devised by me to look very daunting. Don’t let this put you off. In reality, all you’re doing is adding stuff to a pan and stirring it. From the moment the first ingredient hits the pan till you serve it should be no longer than 15-20 minutes. If you use decent quality meat.)

• Mix a handful of flour with some garam masala, salt and pepper
• Toss the copped lamb in this floury mix
• Get the pan (or wok) HOT
• Add a splodge of vegetable oil – enough to just about cover the surface
• Wait for the oil to smoke. Get scared about setting the house on fire
• Add the chopped meat. Do not attempt to do this naked. There will be fearsome hot spitting oil
• Brown the meat – stirring it every few minutes for about three minutes
• Remove the meat and put it aside – let the fat drain off if you’re abandoning plans for an enlarged bottom/thighs/bingo wings/belly
• Add another modest splodge of oil to the pan. Get it bloody hot again. Look for smoke
• Chuck in, all at the same time, your garlic, your ginger and half of your red and green chilli, reserving the other half for later. WARNING!!! Do not, whilst deep in thought, manipulate your lady or gentleman bits after handling chillies. I once, and to my eternal regret, absentmindedly did so and I can report that my anguish was extreme.
• After just a few seconds toss in a few slices of onion. There should be a terrible hissin’ and a-sizzlin’ and a-spittin’.
• Add some garam masala. Be generous.
• Add some cumin seeds
• Add the turmeric - a little at a time, stirring it in.
• Stir like you mean it!
• After a minute of this craziness, add the rest of your onions and chopped red pepper. Keep stirring till everything is coated in everything.
• Turn the heat down and leave the onions to go brown. The browner the onions, the browner, sweeter and richer the sauce.
• Toss in a pinch of sugar. It helps to caramelise the onions. Honey works just as well, but be careful to add only a little bit.
• Once the onions are brown, throw the browned meat into the morass of browness you have created.
• Mix everything together
• Pour in some water – not too much enough to cover about half of the meat.
• Whack the heat up high again until the water starts to boil, then drop it down to a simmer.  You don’t want to boil your curry, you want to simmer it.
• When the water has reduced a bit, add in the chickpea dahl and stir like a serene, gentle person on a go-slow.
• Throw in the chunks of parboiled potatoes and stir gently. Don’t doze off.
• Taste it. Not hot enough? Add more chilli. Too Hot? You’re pretty much up the Ganges sans paddle. You should have been tasting earlier.

By the whole lot should be a thick unctuous sauce, just waiting to be plated up with rice and some naan bread. So do it. Garnish with fresh corriander or mint.

Tip from Paul: Use only Basmati rice (follow the instructions on the packet) with curry and we’ll get along just fine.